charged in more ways than one.

Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata (First Movement)

i really like the vigour in the third movement of the same sonata, but i can't imagine myself playing it. anyway, for the first time in my ten failed attempts of (the first movement of) Moonlight Sonata, today i finally managed to trawl (yes, it was terrible) through the entire song, without giving up at the third page as i usually do because of the constantly changing keys. i really hate the multiple accidentals in every bar, and it's already bad enough that the piece is in C# minor which already has five sharps to begin with. how can something so beautiful be so difficult to play (for me, that is)? grrr. BUT i want to master this song!

so yeah. even though the playing was full of pauses and wrong notes, i was still glad that i persevered through the four pages, and also inconceivably relieved when the piece was over (as were my parents who were almost on their way out to get earplugs). lol. :)

there but not there.

haven't blogged in some time because i haven't been 'happy' for quite a while.

i was feeling quite down. i am still feeling down, in fact.
but i try to pretend that everything is all right; i try to get rid of those feelings without thinking too much about them.

they are definitely not the things i will ever want to talk about on a blog anymore.

but i'm really thankful to have so many good friends around me. you guys rock.

especially breast friend, who is a constant source of encouragement and inspiration to me.

you never judge me, you never look down on me, and you always believe the best in me.

you truly inspire me to become a better person.

so this post is dedicated to my bestest breast friend in the world -

thank you for always being here, even when no one else is. :)

reciprocate(d)

the one and only photograph.

when we were fifteen, there were no such things as digital cameras, or camera-phones.
there were only film cameras; and you sure took a long time to develop this photograph...

today has become a somewhat surrealistic day after you sent it to me.
it was just a few days ago that i was reminiscing about the past, reading my old works.
you read that entry. perhaps, you're reading this now.

you're right. it's been a decade since i first fell in love with your dimpled smile. and the way you used to speak in that aloof manner. your long violinist/violist fingers. your pale skin that barely darkens after a full day in the sun. your set of straight white teeth. your laugh; your eyes that become but mere arcs during it. your music singing in my ears. your moments of seriousness, and your moments of playfulness. your thoughtfulness, your quiet arrogance.

today is the day i remember... how happy it always made me to see you. how you only had to lean over to make my heartbeat quicken. how special i always felt. how these feelings never went away for years and years, and-

how amazed i was that they didn't, when they would have died long before, for anyone else.

today is the day

i finally understand -

why we left then, and yet didn't leave at all.

but, i have moved on since.

don't be more than an illusion; i want to keep you as you are-
a perfect memory.
it doesn't matter what the circumstances now are. they won't change the fact that things should remain status quo.
maybe i'm selfish, maybe i'm not brave enough to 'take the leap of faith' - but i don't want to lose this ideal.

C, i'm not making sense but i know you will understand what i'm saying; you always have.
we will find our happiness, we will. :)

 - J.

hold my hand

I found C with ease; actually, I heard him before I saw him. He was standing under an umbrella tree facing the sea, with his back towards me. It was a sight to remember for life - him swaying slightly to the tune of Bach’s Partita No. 2 in D: Allemanda he was playing on his Bertholini violin, against the backdrop of the glassy waves and slightly misty sky of yellow bleeding into blue. The casual melancholy of the song haunted the calm of the quiet bay, oddly at peace with the crawling waves. There was no denying it – I was mesmerized by the vision.

“So you found me,” came C’s amused voice out of the blue.

Without realizing it, I’d closed my eyes in appreciation to his music, and it had ended all too soon. He was crouching at the foot of the tree laying his violin tenderly back into its case, and I could not see his smile but I could hear it in his voice. I remained silent; there was no need to respond to his previous remark and I knew he didn’t expect one either.

“I like it here,” he declared. “Do you?”

He sat down under the tree, leaning against the trunk, his face awash with the gold of the mid-morning sun. I sat myself down beside him, feeling his bony shoulder against mine.

“You take the Violin Beach a little too literally,” I said, ignoring his question.

He laughed out loud, and the wind carried his voice away, like a string of smoke dissipating. “How else would you have found out where I was going to be at?”

It took seconds for me to realize that he was in fact, making a dig at me. “Are you trying to say I have no imagination?” I attempted to act hurt but was unable to mask the smile that was intent on forming.

“Whatever you like to think,” he replied, with a faint curve at the edge of his lips.

© 2004 geraldine.

to think, i was ever young and in love enough to write a story for someone... i don't anymore; and i haven't since then. but he was perfect. he still is. i don't think any single person can ever inspire me as much as he did. the violin solo is still one of my favourites.

anyway, i just find it extremely amusing that six years down the road, i now know the latin name for "umbrella tree" - Terminalia catappa. :)

stuffed

stewed chicken crammed full of yum. :)

cracking up

made my own breakfast this morning. you have no idea how happy the sight of two lovely half-boiled eggs, two slices of plain lightly-toasted bread, and a piping-hot mug of tea makes me. :) simple, but it works.
breakfasts are happy! hee.