reciprocate(d)

the one and only photograph.

when we were fifteen, there were no such things as digital cameras, or camera-phones.
there were only film cameras; and you sure took a long time to develop this photograph...

today has become a somewhat surrealistic day after you sent it to me.
it was just a few days ago that i was reminiscing about the past, reading my old works.
you read that entry. perhaps, you're reading this now.

you're right. it's been a decade since i first fell in love with your dimpled smile. and the way you used to speak in that aloof manner. your long violinist/violist fingers. your pale skin that barely darkens after a full day in the sun. your set of straight white teeth. your laugh; your eyes that become but mere arcs during it. your music singing in my ears. your moments of seriousness, and your moments of playfulness. your thoughtfulness, your quiet arrogance.

today is the day i remember... how happy it always made me to see you. how you only had to lean over to make my heartbeat quicken. how special i always felt. how these feelings never went away for years and years, and-

how amazed i was that they didn't, when they would have died long before, for anyone else.

today is the day

i finally understand -

why we left then, and yet didn't leave at all.

but, i have moved on since.

don't be more than an illusion; i want to keep you as you are-
a perfect memory.
it doesn't matter what the circumstances now are. they won't change the fact that things should remain status quo.
maybe i'm selfish, maybe i'm not brave enough to 'take the leap of faith' - but i don't want to lose this ideal.

C, i'm not making sense but i know you will understand what i'm saying; you always have.
we will find our happiness, we will. :)

 - J.